(Part I)
There is a momentary silence as the stage lights shine
brightly upon the water. This is a
night of redemption, symbolized in so many fitting ways. A young woman is lifted up by a strong
hand, beads of water stream from her hair. And the applause, the confirmation of a sister echoes
throughout the sanctuary. The two
in the baptismal share a hug, while the forty-two preceding, draped in white
cotton towels clap and cheer. Bill
the Baptist has returned.
The story of Bill the Baptist is not a clear one, a good story
never is. And it’s not a clean one
as the great stories never are.
The trajectory of his story plays with a fatalistic irony that begs for
interpretation and thoughtful studies concerning the human condition and the
nature of redemption. Themes upon
themes, and yet for Bill the Baptist, this is a story told only between himself
and God.
Unbeknownst of any prophetic implications Mary and James
Theodore christened their newborn son William James Theodore. Under the pastoral tutelage of prolific
baptizer Arthur Snelling, the young William was nurtured towards the bright
lights and warm waters of the baptismal.
Snelling himself was a mold breaker, known for his unorthodox delivery,
many flocked to him out of mere curiosity. For example, Snelling was one of the first to adapt the
wrist-upon-wrist-lock into baptisms.
Countless awkward interactions preceded the revolutionary technique, as
many pastors found the traditional hand-to-chest baptism difficult to implement
for the females of their congregation.
A young, impressionistic William became Snelling’s protégé
after his parents witnessed the boy baptizing the family dog in the
bathtub. The next day, Bill
recalls, the dog was hit by a car and died. God’s timing seemed obvious and reinforced the truth that
all dogs do indeed go to heaven, but only if baptized. William thrived under Snelling’s
supervision, and soon the adolescent became second-string baptizer for the
congregation of the First Family of Christ.
Bill finds an old VHS and puts it into the player. The tape loops for a moment and then
reveals a teenaged Bill – pencil and paper in hand – with an elderly Snelling
placing a careful hand on the young man’s back. The two stare intently upon a television, Snelling points a
crooked finger to the screen, and Bill scratches a few notes in response. Bill looks on wistfully, “Art was the
first one to tape baptisms as a point for training. We spent hours in that film room.”
William’s moniker changed literally over night. Caught up in the rousing spirit of a
tent revival, William – at age sixteen – performed an impromptu baptism,
officially breaking himself away from his predecssor. There were children, grandparents, man, woman alike in that
crowd, and none left with a dry brow.
The next morning the local paper headlined, “Bill the Baptist Dunks
118!” Nothing would be the
same.
Few could have projected such a far-reaching ceiling in a
career that began with incredible expectations anyways. “None of the church directors could
have predicted what we saw with Bill,” reminisced an anonymous pastor. “Every baptism is a ‘miracle,’ yes. But Bill literally performed miracles
when he baptized people. Our
church had sent a couple scouts to see if all the hype was real. They were with Bill for two days, and
they came back reporting that Bill had done 22 full immersion baptisms in
pothole at a Wal-Mart parking lot.”
As Bill’s skill and following grew so did his legend. One lingering story that continues to
bring chills is of Bill baptizing people with water that had turned into
wine. Such a story sounds quite
miraculous and even heretical for some, but for Bill it was an average
night. When asked about it Bill
just shrugs, “The miracle wasn’t water into wine, but the fact that the wine
actually turned into grape juice when we baptized our underage
participants.”
The numbers are staggering. Bill shows us a room of bookcases that are filled with
binders, each one documenting person after person that was baptized into the
kingdom with Bill’s own hands.
Each binder represents one day or event, with a number that titles the
spine. 176. 223. 184. 305.
111. These are not statistics to
Bill, they’re people. Each with
their own life and their own story.
Bill’s own story would unravel quickly. With so many solidifying their lives of
redemption through Bill’s baptismal waters, few could have seen the ironic
fall. “The rise of William James
Theodore is unprecedented. But the fall of Bill the Baptist has never been seen
and never will,” commented one rival pastor. His tone betrays an unforgiving grudge, “A man with three
first names is no man at all. He
was doomed to fail.”
(Check in tomorrow for Part 2)
