Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. – Hebrews 11:1
And then with about three minutes left to play in the game Jared Barnett threw a quick pass over the middle of the field. The ball was a moment late as the receiver stuck a out desperate hand; the ball tipped into the air, fell end over end quite conveniently into the hands of the linebacker.
Amongst the crowd of 52,000 I dropped my head, knowing the game was minutes away from a surprisingly respectable albeit disappointing end.
***
One of the joys of sports is the pregame anticipation, trying to analyze and pick apart players, statistics, and simple gut feelings on which team will win and why. Only truth can be played out on the field, leaving theory and philosophy to be discussed before hand. This means any preemptive claims found in the future-tense will always fall into two categories while forever avoiding one: Either faith or doubt. And never fact.
Hours before the game I read in the paper that Oklahoma State was favored by 27.5 points over Iowa State. And all the experts, regardless of the point spread, believed that the Cowboys, with arguably the best offense in college football (real college football – sorry Houston) would win the game handedly. My co-workers agreed, my roommates agreed, and so did the friends that went to the game with me. I’m not one to be immune to pure logic either. I believed that Iowa State would not win the game.
As I left to meet up with my friends, I scoffed with my roommate – who was also going to the game – that the next time I would see him would be on the field, celebrating a Cyclone victory. This is the natural defense mechanism of the fan, the guarding of the heart for the one in love: the superstitious attempt to avoid any certainty, naturally placing one in either a sea of self deprecation, or sarcastic, exaggerated hope.
The sick, beautiful word of hope. And here is where the heart begins its attempt to discern itself. What is the difference between hope and belief and faith? And why is it that they always seem to walk hand in hand with doubt, such a disruptive and deceptive mistress?
The heart is fickle and where doubt lies so does fear. And within three minutes into the second half my beliefs were justified in the purest form of logic, that of numbers: Oklahoma State was winning the game 24-7, proving they were indeed the number 2 ranked team in the nation.
At that point, beliefs were confirmed and hope deferred, making the mind proud and the heart sick. Circumstances tend to validate emotions quicker than they affirm facts and statistics. An interception or a fumble and the belief of failure is justified, the hope removed. But moments later when roles are reversed - a field goal going wide right - so are the expectations, emotions beings as fleeting as consistency.
As the offensive line combined its counterpart three yards deep into the endzone, Jeff Woody following with both ball and the wills of the collective mass, the referees shooting their arms straight into the air in an act of final worship, I shouted and hugged and high fived all who were around me in a dumbfounded state of joy. A subtle irony stirred within my soul as I stood admittedly in disbelief of the victory, while all hope and faith were fulfilled and confirmed by the score and those pouring out of the stands to celebrate.
***
Faith and doubt stand opposed to each other, waring within us. Both transcend logic and statistics, circumstances and experiences, with faith being fueled by love and doubt by fear. If all of us are honest, no matter where we are at in life, or what we claim to believe in, we would all prefer faith and love over doubt and fear. Some say that perfect love casts out all fear, and some are blessed to know, in the midst of pain and fear and doubt, that such love certainly does exist.
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
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