The Death of Scar

(The Lion King was on last night... and I came across this intriguing article) 

Scar, former king and royal subsidiary of Pride Rock died yesterday.  He was forty-one years old.  Authorities report that the official cause of death was coronary failure.  However, witnesses cite the hyena-riot and subsequent mauling as the catalyst for the heart attack. 

The death of Scar was the culmination of a political coup d'état and familial tensions brought on by the sudden and surprised return of the deceased’s nephew Simba.  “We all thought he was dead.  Like I forgot that Sarabi even had a kid,” one family member commented.  “Everything happened so fast.  One moment I was like, ‘hey Simba’s back’ and then the next moment Scar is dead and my house was on fire.  That’s the type of stuff you see on COPS.”

The family is not new to controversy.  Years earlier the patriarch of the family Mufasa was found dead after a wildebeest stampede.   Despite suspicions of foul play, authorities were unable to construct a case and assumed Mufasa’s death to be second-degree manslaughter.  “We could only show that it was a case of hit-and-run,” said the former district attorney, who was forced to resign due to public outcry.

The constituents of Pride Rock find Scar’s death to be bittersweet; the reactions have been quite polarizing.  Many considered his economic strategy to be lacking.  “The job market and housing developments were not the best.  In fact, some may say appalling,” said one analyst.  However, his bipartisanship and stance on civil rights gave him favor in the eyes of the marginalized.  “Was Scar a money-makin man? No,” reminisced a hyena. “But did he care about us?  Yeah he did.  For better or worse.  Did Mufasa feed us?  Sure.  But what good is food when you’re being ostracized from society?  Mufasa was a racist.  You can print that.” 

Others voice concern on his replacement and the new administration.  “Simba may have the bloodlines for political office, but it’s only fair to question his experience.  It has literally only been hours since we believed him to be dead,” said one public figure.  “His youth is unprecedented, and his lifestyle prior, leaves one to question if he is really fitted for the responsibilities of kingship.  These next few weeks will be critical, we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Simba and other close family members were unable to be reached for comment.  Concerning the fire and subsequent casualties authorities are continuing to investigate.  The number of casualties is officially reported at 13, and there are some who remain unaccounted so the number is expected to rise.  The victim’s identities have yet to be released until all families have been informed.

Funeral services for Scar will be scheduled at the end of the week.  He is survived by sister-in-law Sarabi and nephew Simba.  He is preceded in death by his brother Mufasa.  

The Trending of the Christian Athlete

If there’s anything Christians love more than Jesus (there shouldn’t be… but I’m just saying, hypothetically speaking) it’s the Christian athlete – for better or for worse.  We get giddy over the Christian athlete because we love sports and its (unwarranted) parallels to divine happenings and occurrences:

“I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!” – Jack Buck stole this one from Peter after Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.”  

“DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!?! YES!! – Al Michaels would like to thank both Mary’s and Easter Sunday. 

“HAVLICEK STOLE THE BALL!” – And we all know that Celtics’ announcer Johnny Most got this one from Moses when he split the sea...  (It's in Deuteronomy)

We also get excited about Christian athletes because we (especially men) have prayed such a prayer at least once during our lives:

“Dear God, I know I may only be a blocker for this intramural football game, and I know we’re playing in the D bracket, but if this could be my big break I PROMISE you I will share the gospel when I give my Super Bowl MVP speech.” 

When we find out an athlete’s a Christian we go bananas.  Take Jeremy Lin for example…

[Husband runs into the bedroom where wife is sleeping]

BILL: MARTHA WAKE UP THE KIDS NOW!

Martha: AAAH!  WHAT!?!

Bill: HE’S A CHRISTIAN!

Martha: Who? Your boss?  Did someone in our connection group become a believer?

Bill: NO!! JEREMY LIN!  HE’S A CHRISTIAN! A REAL ONE! 

Martha: Who is he?

Bill: HE PLAYS BASKETBALL!  IN THE NBA!  A REAL CHRISTIAN!

Martha: OH! HOLY MOTHER OF MARY WE GOT TO WAKE UP THE KIDS!

BILL: WAKE THEM UP WOMAN! HURRY!

[They run into their children’s room]

Bill and Martha: TIMMY! SUSIE! WAKE UP!

Timmy: AAAH! DID GRANDMA DIE?

Bill: EVEN BETTER!

Susie: Grandpa?

Martha: THERE’S A CHRISTIAN IN THE NBA!

Timmy: A REAL ONE?!?!

Bill: HE THANKED GOD!  AFTER THE GAME HE THANKED GOD, I HEARD IT!

Timmy: OH JEEPERS, LET ME GET GO LIGHT UP THE TABERNACLE!

Susie: I’LL TEXT ALL MY FRIENDS!

Martha: I’LL START PRAYING RIGHT NOW!

Bill: AND HE’S CHINESE!*

Martha: AN INTERNATIONAL!

Timmy: PRAISE GOD FOR THE NATIONS!!

Susie: JOHN THREE SIXTEEN!!!

*He's American... 

I just want to stay ahead of a potential dangerous trend.   We Christians are quite loyal to these athletic saints, ironically thrusting them into the national limelight.   You know how many Twitter followers Jeremy Lin had three weeks ago?  Five. (Give or take).  You know how many he has now?  476,965 and counting.  

At some point mediocre and semi-famous athletes are going to cash-in, and really famous athletes will realize that even despite their successful “brand” the one demographic that will put them over the top is reppin’ JC.  It’s only a matter of time before the John Piper-Lebron James video: The Reformation Pick-And-Roll, goes viral.  

With the superstardom of Lin and Tebow, who knows who will be next? (Sorry Josh Hamilton…)_ But be wary of the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.  You will recognize them by their fruits.  Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” – Matthew 7:15-6

Taylor Swift: The Point of No Return

I’ll begin with a disclaimer that despite baking during the Super Bowl, an inability to grow a mustache, and this current post – I am NOT a fifteen year old girl.  (For real I’m not). 

I think I like Taylor Swift’s music. 

(Not a fifteen year old girl)

So let me give you some context.  On paper, considering my musical taste and subsequent anti-popiness contrasted with all that Taylor Swift (and her music) represents, it would only make perfect, logical sense that I have a disdain for Miss Swift.  But every time I hear her songs there is only positive indifference, which is quite a leap from the theoretical and expected hatred.  I realized such a fact the other day and this generated some curiosity within my soul.  Why do I not hate her songs?  And thus, does this mean I could possibly, possibly enjoy her music? 

There was only one way to find out. 

For the past few days I’ve been listening to her 2010 album Speak Now, here are my thoughts:

“The Bad”

Let’s all be real and start off with the obvious.  Her music is tailor-made (no pun intended) (that’s a lie, it was) for teenaged girls.  All of it.  Every single line.  A whole album’s worth gets a little tedious, lasting for maybe three songs too long.

Her style isn’t tremendously diverse, and I don’t really have an “ear” for this type of music, so many of the songs seemed to run together – but they are getting more distinct on each listen. 

“The Good”

Not going to lie, I’m judging this album on slightly different (some would say “lower”) expectations than other music I listen to.  But she is an impressive lyricist.  Now, she’s no Bob Dylan but I was quite surprised to learn that she writes all her songs.

 

She’s pretty real and authentic.  Her songs plumb the experiences of her life, and she is not apprehensive to share – even if they may seem trite to those who have experienced much more than teenage romance. 

She has a very good voice, albeit many of the songs do not fulfill the potential.  “Enchanted” is one song that reveals her range.  I had high hopes for this song, lyrically speaking as well.  The first two verses have some nice imagery and emotion, but then the song reverts to girl-stuff, that I wasn’t sure what to do with… Really, what do I do with it!?!

Universal Appeal – Everyone can relate to at least one song, as she does show the full spectrum of romance.  For me, there was a lot of nostalgia laced within these lines of love. 

All these songs are super catchy.  I’ve listened to this album only twice, some of the songs at most three times, but they’re all in my head.  Forever.  For better or worse.  

“The Ugly”

Again, I have never been, and I don’t think I will ever be a fifteen-year-old girl, but I think this album gives me insight into their brains, and it’s a little terrifying.   The album itself is not the most cohesive in its arrangement.  Nearly most, if not all, of the songs are related to love and romance, but again she gives us the full spectrum.  This provides an almost schizophrenic atmosphere as one listens to the endearing charm of a tested romance in the opener “Mine” and then to a regretful lament for breaking up a relationship in “Back to December” while the next song has the narrator home wrecking a wedding in “Speak Now,” only then to have the possible cast-off bride give her voice in “Better Than Revenge.”  Verdict: Yeah… hell hath no fury…

In the end, she’s dece.  Probably not going to have any Swift posters on my wall or anything like that… yet.  I’m intrigued what she does in the future especially since she’ll be getting older and more mature (I was shocked to find out that she’s not in a perpetual age-state of 16) and whether that will show in her songwriting.  This also put Kanye in a whole new light for me.  So terribly, horribly funny: 

Highlights:

Mustaches and Blessings

This is me wearing a not-real mustache.  Well, it's a real fake mustache.  But it's not a growing on me real mustache.  I mean it was growing on me as in I really liked it and I wish I could keep it but whatever.  The point is, my face was not meant for a thick rich jungle of man hair.

I am not a complicated man.  I'm not one for extravagance, I'm not too materialistic.  I just want my manly birthright.  They say that the grass is always greener, and I've heard many complain about the daily maintenance and upkeep of their facial hair, but this was my boyhood dream.

I remember when I was younger, standing on my little stool, plastic razor, smelling like menthol, shaving my baby smooth cheeks next to my dad.  My simple understanding: when you grow up and become a man you get a real razor to shave a real beard, and if you're lucky you can cut yourself and put pieces of toilet paper on your face.  The pure, innocent joys of adult life.

Now I don't want to dismiss this as merely youthful ignorance, for the correlation between face hair and manhood is far too apparent the older I get.  Just the other day at work after we were done unloading the truck, the driver asked me a question:

"So have you graduated yet?"

"Yes."

"You going to college now?"

"I graduated college."

"Really? Huh, you look like you should still be in high school!"

Did he say such a statement because of the youthful gleam in my eyes or my slightly dimpled cheeks?  Of course not.  He said it because I don't have a mustache!  I have never heard anyone say, "Hey, that's a nice looking mustache, are you in high school?"  Never heard that in my life.  Never will, ever.

With such a clean, smooth complexion I'll never reach my full potential.  A mustache, a beard - now that's something I can get behind (Literally).  People will always be more willing to follow people with facial hair than not.  You're more respected, more revered, more honored. It makes great leaders greater (See: Honest Abe and MLK), and it makes terrible leaders somewhat attractive (See: Stalin and Hitler). A good mustache says, "Hey, I've been around. You like this?  There's more where this came from."  A good mustache shows diligence, perseverance, and sexiness.

If you're not convinced, here is straight up scripture:

A Bearded Blessing: "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron." - Psalm 133:1-2

A Beardless Blight: "I gave my back to those who strike, and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard; I hid not my face from disgrace and spitting." - Isaiah 50:6

Nooooooo!

Only the love, grace and mercy of Christ would heal this curse upon curses.  "But thanks be to God who gives us victory (spiritual facial hair) through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:57

Valentine's Day

Inspired by the day of intrigue and romance here are some of romantic things - mostly media related.

Top three favorite all time love songs (and by that I mean the three most recent songs I could remember about love...) 

Higher and Higher by Jackie Wilson 

Stand By Me by Ben E. King

That's How Strong My Love Is by Otis Redding

Hmmm.  A lot of R&B.  We'll go with the other end of the spectrum - honorable mention: 

All these songs remind me of... (wait a bit and get past the credits)

So transitioning from songs, a few friends and I went to Des Moines for a non-committal, Valentine's Day celebration:

Some roses.

Hey good lookin.

At restaurant Americana, in the city of romance. Or what some call Des Moines. 

I tried out my go-to date night questions, a few ice-breakers and get-to-know-you's:

1. What's your favorite color (not racist)?

2. On a scale of 9 to 10, how attractive am I?

3.  You smell

4.  Good.

5. When we have our second son, what will his middle name be?

6. Guess my favorite number?

7. What famous, non-Asian person do I remind you of?

8. Do you enjoy Mexican food?

9.  If you were a pancake how fast would you eat yourself?

10. What are your thoughts on cannibalism? 

11. If you could go back in time and assassinate any famous person, who would it be?

12. Describe your whole entire existence in one word.

13. If you could get rid of one letter in the alphabet, which one would it be?

14. As of now how would you grade this date?

15. What needs improvement?

And here's how the night ended...

I'll butter your bread!

And here is the opening scene from one of my favorite (romantic) movies:

Finally, my favorite romantic poem, feel free to steal this one too.  She's dead so she can't do anything about it.  Public domain!

How Do I Love Thee (Sonnet 43) by Elizabeth Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends on being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Baking: Round Two

In the afternoon, after the Super Bowl Sunday church service, I sat in my own Gethsemane and prayed.  I had not picked up a bag of flour or measured anything by cups or teaspoons since my terror-misu incident.  My confidence was broken.  Yes, I had taken the step out of the boat, only to realize the storm surrounding, and now I was sinking.   But I knew I could do all things through the one who gives all strength.  The cupeth, I shall drinketh…

Beyond my inexperience and inability to proficiently bake, I also had concerns regarding my manhood.  I told a lot of my co-workers I was going to be baking instead of watching the Super Bowl, and almost everyone had the same response of pity and disgust.  One even asked me how I planned to regain my mancard.  So the pressure was on.  To bake, but to retain my manliness.   I had to go big and go bold, but a flop would be devastating.  Bake for the entire Super Bowl and then have nothing to show for it?  This was a vomit-inducing thought.  It was game time, I had to put up or shut up.  

My downfall last time, I believe, was lack of adequate tools, so I went and borrowed a hand mixer from the Adertons. 

I’m a single man that does not own a hand mixer! +10 Man Points

I just borrowed a hand mixer…  -5 Man Points

Not trusting the tiramisu, I went back to the drawing board, by literally googling: “Impressive Desserts” 

Using Google as my recipe box  +3 Man Points

Giggling with excitement as I read the recipes -15 Man Points

I went to the store to pick up the ingredients.  My plan was this: To build up my confidence I had to go simple, so I decided to make a batch of chocolate chip walnut cookies.  And then make two desserts, essentially one for each half. 

I actually wrote a list!  +20 Responsibility Points

Forgetting the cream cheese and having to go back to the store   +10 Man Points

Now with all my fixins at hand, I began the multi-tasking challenge of my life. 

May or may not be a cup of salt instead of sugar... (just kidding it's baking soda)

After a shaky beginning, the cookie dough took form, and I began to hit my stride as our guests started to arrive.  Henry was looking good with his cinnamon rolls too.  No man wins alone, so I was glad to have him on my team. 

Girl says: “Wow! You guys are so domesticated!” (Aah!  That’s not a compliment!) -10 Man Points

Another Girl says: “You guys are like a Proverbs 31 Husband” (DEFINITELY NOT A COMPLIMENT!) -50 Man Points

I miss Super Bowl kick-off, and pretty much entire first half, until the final 30 seconds… Because I’m baking… -25 Man Points.

But I’m a man who keeps to his word +15 Man Points

We’re in the midst of some heavy baking.  A whirlwind of flour, sugar, and blood.  I start on my second dish.  A person asks, “What are you making now?”  I say, “I don’t know.  A chocolate-cake-raspberry-thing.” 

Not even knowing what I’m baking +10 Man Points

Straight up three sticks of butter in this bad boy.  (Disgusting)

I look over and see Henry using a can of Pam as a rolling pin.  Too legit to quit.  +50 Man Points

For the rest of the night I was back and forth between the upstairs and downstairs kitchen, double dutch ovening away the evening.  (Don’t even know what that means)

The first complete five minutes I watch of the night is of Madonna -5 Man Points

Super Bowl Intrigue:

The second half of the game was more relaxing, and I realized that although I’m semi-enjoying the baking experience, my multi-tasking is severely limited.   So fortunately, I get to converse with more people during the second-half as my two recipes have to settle and cool. 

I complete my third dish of the evening, a peanut butter pie.  And garnish up the chocolate tort.  Here are the results:

Chocolate-espresso Raspberry Tort

Henry's cinnamon roll.  As sweet as its creator.

The desserts, especially Henry’s cinnamon rolls and malts, received many compliments and praises. 

Coming up in the clutch: +50 Man Points.  Count it!

Thinking, “Oh my word, I am going to be soooo fat,” while I eat… -75 Man Points

I definitely have a newfound respect for baking.  But I'll be honest, it's just not my spiritual gifting.  Although I'm never opposed to receiving baked goods, if such is one's love language... If you want we can even trade goods and services, I do make a mean breakfast.  (Bacon and pancake specialist) 

If I was in the Bible...

I was reminded this week of the temple and the Holy of Holies and how only the High Priest could enter that room and only once a year for the atonement of the people of Israel.  The punishment for entering the Holy of Holies was death.  And I thought, thank you God that I was not a first century, Palestine Jew.  I’m a notorious bluff caller, and curiosity has killed my cat more than a few times. 

This also made me think of other Biblical characters and scenarios that would not bode well for me.  Here’s some moments taken from Genesis:

Scene 1:

God: Ok Jake, you can eat from any tree in the garden.  Except for that one.

Jake [with a mouthful of Tree of Life fruit, juice spittle runs down chin]: Uh... which tree…?

God: Get out. 

Scene 2:

[Jake and his family are running across the plain, fire and sulfur rain down behind them]

Angel [Voice over]: Escape for your life, do not look back or stop anywhere in the valley.

Jake [inner monologue, breathing hard]:  Ah man, I bet it looks super cool.  Dang it, I really wanna look.   Who can be my guinea pig…

Jake [Verbally speaking, still running]:  Hey Margaret! [inhales]  Did we uh- [inhales] shut the garage door?

Margaret: Huh?  I don’t know! [begins to turn head] I don’t think s- [Margaret is no longer, but now a pillar of salt in her place]

Jake [still running]: Oh… shoot…

Scene 3:

Isaac: Where are we going dad?

Jake [not making eye contact, mumbling]: Overtherebythattree.

Isaac: But we don’t got nothin to sacrifice.

Jake: Just stand over there. 

Isaac: On the altar?

Jake: Yeah.  Just uh… Close your eyes…

[Picks up axe, and raises it above his head.  A rustling from the bushes is overheard.  A ram emerges]

Isaac: Dad look a ram!

Jake: Oh, praise God!  [He brings the axe down, Isaac screams]

Isaac: Aaah! My arm!  You cut off my arm!

Jake: Oh… Sarah’s not going to be happy about this one…

Scene 4:

[Darkness]

Announcer: The Challenger, weighing in at a stout one-fifty.  The Deceiving Deceiver, the Crazy Israeli, JAAAAAACOB!

[The fireworks explode, as “Rock Me Like a Hurricane” begins to play.  Jake races out from the tunnel, and slides into the ring.  God awaits him, with a face-punch.  They begin to grapple.]

[God, pushes him off, and throws Jake into the ropes.  Jake ducks under an impending clothesline, repels off the ropes and gives God a hefty drop-kick.  The crowd boo’s] 

[Jake works on the shoulder, and throws God into the turnbuckle.  He races towards him and launches his full body.  At the last second God moves out of the way.  Jake is hurt and caught in the corner.]

[God lands a chest slap.  The crowd winces.  Jake is feeling it.  Another slap.  Jake yells.  Another slap!] 

[God pulls him out of the corner and throws him to the ropes once more.  Jake repels off, and God flips him over his back, Jake lands hard on the canvas.  God picks up his limp body and throws Jake over the ropes.  He lands outside of the ring.]

[Holy Spirit begins to distract the referee, and God jumps over the ropes and flips hard onto Jake as he tries to get back on his feet.  The crowd cheers.]

[The referee is still distracted, and God pulls out a steel, folding chair from under the ring.  Jake gets up once more, but God is there to meet him with a chair-shot to the head.  Jake collapses, and God throws his limp body into the ring. ]

[The Holy Spirit steps back, and the match resumes.  God motions to the crowd, putting his hand to his ear, creating an uproar.  He moves across the ring, rope-to-rope, gaining speed and momentum, and then lands a massive leg drop on Jake.  The crowd is going wild.  God rolls over for the pin.  The referee slaps the mat.]

Crowd: One! Two! Three!  [They explode in exultation.  “Real American” begins to play.]

Scene 5:

[Jake and his eleven brothers are playing basketball.  Levi pulls up to shoot and gets blocked by Jake, quite authoritatively]

Jake: Get that weak sauce out of my house! 

Levi: What the heck!  We’re playing knock-out!

Reuben: You’re ruining the game!

Jake: Ya’ll just suck.  I’m the best!

Dan: Seriously.  Shut up. 

Gad: This isn’t even fun anymore. 

Jake: I beat you all in my dreams!

[He begins to dance around the court]

Jake [singing]: I’m the best, I’m the best, I’m the best!

Asher: No you’re not!

Jake: Then why did dad give me this killer co-hoat!  Oh snap! [Pulls off his outer garmet to reveal a coat of many colors]

[Continues to dance]

Judah: If you do not shut up, we’re going to throw you in that well. 

Jake [singing]: I’m the favorite! I’m the favorite! I’m the favorite! Got this coat cause I’m the favorite!

[Cut to:  Jake in the well, the last glimmer of light vanishes, as the stone seals the opening]

Jake: Sonuvabitch. 

***

Needless to say, really glad I’m a member of the 21^st century, and you know… for Jesus.

“And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him, and find him.  Yet he is actually not far from each one of us.” – Acts 17:26-27