Mustaches and Blessings

This is me wearing a not-real mustache.  Well, it's a real fake mustache.  But it's not a growing on me real mustache.  I mean it was growing on me as in I really liked it and I wish I could keep it but whatever.  The point is, my face was not meant for a thick rich jungle of man hair.

I am not a complicated man.  I'm not one for extravagance, I'm not too materialistic.  I just want my manly birthright.  They say that the grass is always greener, and I've heard many complain about the daily maintenance and upkeep of their facial hair, but this was my boyhood dream.

I remember when I was younger, standing on my little stool, plastic razor, smelling like menthol, shaving my baby smooth cheeks next to my dad.  My simple understanding: when you grow up and become a man you get a real razor to shave a real beard, and if you're lucky you can cut yourself and put pieces of toilet paper on your face.  The pure, innocent joys of adult life.

Now I don't want to dismiss this as merely youthful ignorance, for the correlation between face hair and manhood is far too apparent the older I get.  Just the other day at work after we were done unloading the truck, the driver asked me a question:

"So have you graduated yet?"

"Yes."

"You going to college now?"

"I graduated college."

"Really? Huh, you look like you should still be in high school!"

Did he say such a statement because of the youthful gleam in my eyes or my slightly dimpled cheeks?  Of course not.  He said it because I don't have a mustache!  I have never heard anyone say, "Hey, that's a nice looking mustache, are you in high school?"  Never heard that in my life.  Never will, ever.

With such a clean, smooth complexion I'll never reach my full potential.  A mustache, a beard - now that's something I can get behind (Literally).  People will always be more willing to follow people with facial hair than not.  You're more respected, more revered, more honored. It makes great leaders greater (See: Honest Abe and MLK), and it makes terrible leaders somewhat attractive (See: Stalin and Hitler). A good mustache says, "Hey, I've been around. You like this?  There's more where this came from."  A good mustache shows diligence, perseverance, and sexiness.

If you're not convinced, here is straight up scripture:

A Bearded Blessing: "Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! It is like the precious oil on the head, running down on the beard, on the beard of Aaron." - Psalm 133:1-2

A Beardless Blight: "I gave my back to those who strike, and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard; I hid not my face from disgrace and spitting." - Isaiah 50:6

Nooooooo!

Only the love, grace and mercy of Christ would heal this curse upon curses.  "But thanks be to God who gives us victory (spiritual facial hair) through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:57