Journaling

Conversation around TOAG dinner last night – everyone loves the journal-as-a-blog posts- (no one really does.  It’s trying to tell an inside-joke but no one else is “inside” and it’s not funny.  It’s like depressingly not funny).  But I figured I’d try anyways since I’m a natural contrarian.  And I want to bust out my inspiration from Joyce and Ulysses.  The first twenty minutes of my morning:

Dear Journal,

I woke up at 7:30 and I thought, I need to stop drooling on my pillows.  I need to get up and remove my face from this puddle of spit.  I like sleeping.  Will I sleep in heaven?  It’s 7:45 already?!?! Shoot I need to get up.  My throat is sore.  I need to stop smoking my pipe so much.  I didn’t even smoke last night though, so it’s fine.  I probably need to smoke my pipe more so my body can acclimate itself.  I’m so smart.  Alright time to get up.  Where are my pants? If I don’t ask that question at least three times a day, I’m doing something terribly wrong.  One leg at a time.  Don’t zip up your pants yet, you still have to pee.  Be efficient.  God, thank you for toilets.  Ugh.  When’s the last time I showered?  Oh, yesterday.  Good.  Plus I already have my pants on.  And I’m going to be late.  No time.  When’s the last time I brushed my teeth?  Yesterday.  Good.  I already have pants on and there’s no time!  Brush teeth later.  I need to get new shoes.  I need to put socks on.  No time for socks!  Feet will get hot, sweaty and smelly.  Pick up your cross daily.  Amen.  What time is it?  Schedules are dumb.  Thank you God for this day.  Outside is nice.  Huh.  Rained last night.  Car window open.  Again.  Dang it.  My butt is wet.  Thank God I put pants on today.  I’m hungry.