Humility, and my attempt at being a well-rounded man

In the midst of watching a close contested match between the Baltimore Ravens and the New England Patriots, my roommate Henry Elgersma and I made a vow that if the Patriots were to play the New York Giants in the Super Bowl we would boycott the game.  The principle of this oath harkens back to the tagline of the prophetic and all too real documentary, Alien Vs. Predator: “Whoever wins… we lose.”

 

Now I know what one will say, Did you not learn anything from Jephthah?  And my answer is no.  Jesus says, “Do not take an oath at all… unless you’re like 90 percent sure.”  Matthew 5:33-something.  Regardless of whether we spoke too rashly, our karma-induced vendettas turned sour, as we watched both Ravens and 49ers lose their respective games; the oath became reality. 

But the weight of this oath was not only will we boycott, but rather than watch the game, we shall break down gender stereotypes, tie up aprons, and bake.  And bake we shall. 

Now there is another purpose in choosing baking, and that is found in Proverbs 14:10 – “A woman loves a man who knows his way aroundeth a kitchen (The Message).  We’re merely trying to hone our skills as to impress a potential spouse – merely out of obedience.  “And whatever you do, whether you eat or drink, do it all for the glory of God, and to find a wife.  Preferably an attractive one.”  - Colossians.*

*”I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.” – Matthew 12:36  (This one’s a real verse)  (Basically, I’m hoping that God has a sense of humor)

So our plan is to go big, but I don’t really know what impresses a girl when it comes to baking.  I mean, this is predominantly their territory, and I’m just a rookie.  For example, if a girl came up to me and said “Jake, don’t you think it’s sexy that I can throw a football?”  I’ll say, “No!  Get outta here, what’s your problem?”  But then if she replied in a sultry voice, “But I can throw a spiral.”  Well, now we’re talking.

 

Thus, we asked the source directly, and we got the response of tiramisu.  My first reaction was, perfect, I don’t even know what it is, but it’s French so we’re starting off on a good foot. 

Knowing my inconsistencies as a chef, I knew that I could not Allen Iverson such a dish, so a practice round was necessary.  Here are the pitiful, ridiculous, stupid results.

I should have known I was in trouble the moment I read the ingredients. 

Ladyfingers!?!  I’m trying woo a girl, not decapitate one.  I’m not sure if this will work, but I’m trusting you food.com...

Ohhh. Brandy.  They can't feel it, if they're not conscious.  Nice. 

Mascarpone cheese?  Mascarpone?  I live in America, damn it. 

Separating egg whites from the yolks... Like ALL of the white parts of the egg?

Symbolic picture of my inner American/Korean turmoil

Milk may or may not be good...

Beat egg whites until they peak.  Right...

Now this is where everything falls apart.  

We don't own an egg beater/mixer thing.  So I stirred and stirred but to no avail.  And then I was supposed to mix the cheese in with the egg yolk/sugar/milk concoction.  Really hard to mix by hand.  

BUT!

We do have a blender.  

I get done blending, and I say to myself, alright pour over the coffee/brandy soaked lady fingers, in your 7 X 11 pan.  (Which I'm pretty sure if the picture indicates dimensions correctly is actually a 9 x 13 pan...)

Er wait a second... the directions say spread... and I'm definitely pouring... Yep, it's not supposed to look like that.  I had the best intentions, I swear.  The aftermath:

 

 

Needless to say I'm going to need more preparation.  But in all fairness, I think I would have been moderately successful if I had used a mixer, rather than uh... a blender.   This was a pretty pricey misstep though, so the next time I do it, I'm going to make sure I'm adequately prepared.  I will not be thwarted!  Any advice and hints will be much appreciated.  

Sonship and taxes

This week in our New Testament Survey class we went over the Gospel of Matthew.   There was one story that really stuck out to me, that I had not really noticed before, and that was Matthew 17:24-27, the story of the temple tax. 

So the context is pretty simple, Jesus and his disciples are in Capernaum.  Peter is hanging out somewhere, when the collectors of the temple tax come up to him.  They ask, “Hey does Jesus not pay the temple tax?” 

Peter’s response is rather brilliant:  “Yes.”  Now I’m not sure if he’s intending to be deceitful or not, but if you’re going to be inarticulate enough to ask a question involving a negative, then you deserve the ambiguity of a yes/no response.  “Wait, do you mean ‘yes’ he doesn’t pay the tax, or ‘yes’ he does pay the tax…?”  This probably buys Peter some time to race back to Jesus.  “Uh… both….?” 

This story is really amazing in that it’s only four verses but it tells us so much about Jesus, about our need for Jesus, his love for us, and our new identity that is now found in Jesus.   Peter gets backs to the house and before he can even say anything, Jesus shows himself to be all-knowing, and preemptive:  “And when he came into the house, Jesus spoke to him first, saying “What do you think, Simon?  From whom do kings of the earth take toll or tax?  From their sons or from others?””

This initiative from Jesus shows two things:  Jesus knows our hearts.  I’m sure as Peter is leaving the tax collectors he’s starting to worry and be concerned about payment, about authority, about their collective interaction with the Jewish leaders, wondering how Jesus will respond, etc.  And the beauty about Jesus is that he is always willing to deal with the weight upon our hearts.  He doesn’t even ask Peter “what’s wrong?”  He already knows, and he’s already dealing with it.   The second thing that it shows me is that Jesus is able to make a teaching moment out of anything, and we should have our hearts and minds open in any and all circumstances. 

The question begs an obvious and clear answer, and whenever we are confronted with such questions, many of us pause.  Uh… trick question?  Jesus is a masterful teacher and there is a reason for the obvious clarity and simplicity in the answer.  “And when Peter said, “From others,” Jesus said, “Then the sons are free.”

This is one of those moments where I put down my Bible, take off my glasses, close my eyes, and just shake my head in awe. 

Then the sons are free. 

The weight of this statement is crazy.  Because through analogy Jesus is saying: No longer do you have to pay taxes, not to the collectors and now not to God.  You’re no longer in debt, because the king does not, ever, at all, tax his sons – as everyone knows.  And by the way I am the king, so that means you’re my son.  Because of who I am, changes who you are.  And that means you’re free. 

Jesus reinforces this analogous claim by telling Peter how to pay the tax, and prophetically telling him where he can find the money.  In a fish’s mouth.  Clearly a miracle; Jesus is the one who pays.  So how do we pay off our debts, how does we satisfy the tax collectors?  Through Jesus, and obeying what he tells us to do.  Why do we obey him?  Because we’re his sons and we know that he loves us. 

That’s just amazing. 

It’s also interesting that Jesus has Peter find the money through the means of Peter’s own occupation, fishing.  Jesus teaches and reveals himself through the “mundane.”  More often than not, he meets us where we are.    

“When they came to Capernaum, the collectors of the two-drachma tax went up to Peter and said, “Does your teacher not pay the tax?” He said, “Yes.” And when he came into the house, Jesus spoke to him first, saying, “What do you think, Simon?  From whom do kings of the earth take toll or tax?  From their sons or from others?”  And when he said, “From others,” Jesus said to him, “Then the sons are free.  However, not to give offense to them, go to the sea and cast a hook and the first fish that comes up, and when you open its mouth you will find a shekel.  Take that and give to them for me and for yourself.”  

Random Thoughts of the Week

Here are some random thoughts of my week:

I read an article about an ISU professor who is receiving a grant from NASA, for his research on... (drumroll please) how to destroy an asteroid that was going to crash into the earth...  by launching a nuke at it.

Yes, I did just describe the plot of Armageddon.

The article stated, that after movies like Armageddon and Deep Impact, the government began to look into precautionary methods on how to prevent an asteroid from catastrophically devastating the world.  Uh what?  

It also said that the professor has received $690,000 in grant money.  Which means, at this point, it costs more to make a MOVIE about nuking an asteroid than it does to ACTUALLY research it... in real life.  

So this gave me an idea, which I'll send to the government, in that the best way to get funding for any idea ever, is to just have the government hire Michael Bay so he can make a movie about it, and then use the box-office returns for the research money.  Don't have to tax the people, but instead they willingly fork over their money.  And we get a Michael Bay movie.  It's a win-win.  

My roommate Henry and I are boycotting the Superbowl and have decided to bake throughout the game.  Betty Crocker don't know nothin.  (Skank)

I was able to listen to LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It" for the first time in my life.  I died a little inside.  And I know, people are going to say, "Yeah  Jake, it's cause you're an elitist hipster, of course you're not going to like that song."  And my retort, "Yeah, well you're stupid."  

I realized that no matter how long a person has lived in Iowa, that when snow comes, there will always be an irrational fear that one will be trapped in their house, and (just based on pure and simple statistics) will be forced to eat their own family.  I took groceries out for a gentleman who told me that they had their refrigerator all filled up, but now had to come back so they could fill their deep freezer in their garage... Better safe than sorry.  

With that being said, I realized that I too have lived in Iowa my whole life, and do not own a pair of gloves or wool socks or long underwear.  At least to my knowledge. 

I started listening to Notorious B.I.G.'s debut Ready to Die and am quite surprised by how much I enjoy it.  Surprised, because I am not a "gangster" rap type of guy, but he's really good.  And I was surprised because he also says a lot of cuss words... disappointed.  

Here are some things of substance that I learned this week:

That now that I am in Christ, God the Father will always say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."  via Jeff Dodge

I realized that my time is not really my time at all, and should manage it better, but also managing my energy level better as well.  (i.e. be more aware of how I use my time) 

That the only way I can effectively tell people about Jesus, is by interacting with him on an intimate, personal, daily level. Generalities, even if true, just feel a tad bit impersonal. 

And I found out that Peanut Butter* Brownie Sensation is my new favorite ice cream

I JUST realized that "peanut butter" are two separate words.  Really surprised it hasn't reached compound status yet.  Someday my friend, someday.  

Locomotive by Alex Winston

I'm a big fan of this video series.  I love how the filmmakers are able to show the genuine beauty of music in everyday life.  It also fuels my romantic perception of Paris, where musicians and artists are roaming the streets perfecting their craft.  This is Alex Winston and her crew.  The first song is "Medicine" followed by "Locomotive."

The Gospel of Mark, Sort Of

This semester I’m auditing a course through Cornerstone Church, A Survey of the New Testament.  I’ll be posting irregularly about the things I have learned.  Week One, we have begun a journey – the Gospel of Mark.  With all of its fast paced action, blind seeing, deaf hearing, demon pigs explosions, the one thing I took away from Mark is Jesus’ attempt at seclusion in various forms, and his consequent “failure.”  Here’s a little script depicting such.

EXT. FIELD – DAY

We are in close on a man’s face, who opens his eyes in awe and wonderment.  He closely examines his arms, legs, hands, etc with utter amazement.  We slowly pan out to reveal a small gathering around the EX-LEPER.  JESUS stands in front of him.  Those in the crowd begin to murmur their own incredulous claims.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Thank you.  My Lord. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                You’re welcome.  Now go to the priest

and offer the sacrifices required by the

law of Moses.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Yes Lord.  Certainly. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                And please, don’t tell anyone.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Of course Lord, whatever you say.

He begins to leave but pauses and turns around.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                           (cont’d.)

                                                But Lord, can’t I tell my mother?

                                                and my father?

                                                            JESUS

                                                Yes, of course.  But no one else, please.

The EX-LEPER begins once more on his way but stops once more.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Well what about my girlfriend?

                                                            JESUS

                                                Your girlfriend?

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Yeah, my girlfriend.

                                                            JESUS

                                                You don’t have a girlfriend.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Yeah I do.

                                                            JESUS

                                                You literally just had leprosy

                                                two minutes ago.  You do not

                                                have a girlfriend.  Believe me.

                                                I know.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Well I will.

                                                            JESUS

                                                You don’t know that.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Well, what if I’m just hangin out

                                                in the courtyard, and I see a foxy

                                                lady.  And now that I don’t have

                                                skin falling off my body, she takes

                                                a liking to me.  Now it won’t be

                                                too long before my personal history

                                                becomes a topic of conversation. 

                                                And heck she’ll probably know,

                                                cause I mean people know me.  And

                                                I’m not braggin, I’m just saying. 

                                                People know me.  She just might be

                                                like, ‘Hey wasn’t this guy the biggest

                                                leper in three counties’ – a fact I’m

                                                not particularly proud with, but hey

                                                that’s how the cookie crumble –

                                                ‘How’d this guy get to be so normal?

                                                What am I supposed to say? P-90X?

                                                That hasn’t even been invented yet. 

                                                I’m in a rock and a hard place.

                                                            JESUS

                                                Really? 

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Just sayin.

                                                            JESUS

                                                            (sighs)

                                                Ok.  Fine.  You can tell people after I leave

                                                the area.  We would have some traveling

                                                difficulties otherwise.  Give it like a week.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                            (dismissively)

                                                Yeah, a week I guess.  Go into hiding

                                                for a whole entire week  Great.  What am I going to

                                                eat?  Haven’t even seen my family for years,

                                                Sure like to go play some ball.  But yeah

                                                whatever one week-

                                                            JESUS

                                                Ok. Ok.  Three days.  Just do three days.

                                                You’re killin me man.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Alright, I can do three days.

                                                            JESUS

                                                You swear?

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Like swear by God? Is this a trick

                                                question…?

                                                            JESUS

                                                Pinky swear.

                                               

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                            (confused)

                                                What?

                                                            JESUS

                                                            (gritting teeth)

                                                Pinky. Swear.

They lock pinkies.  Jesus stares at him.

                                                            JESUS

                                                Good.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                Cool man.  Thanks.  For real.

Jesus and his disciples begin to walk away from the group.  In the background we see the EX-LEPER start to run to another group of bystanders.

                                                            EX-LEPER

                                                            (in the distance we overhear)

                                                Hey guys!  Dude!  That guy just healed

                                                me!  Yeah! That guy over there, Jesus of

                                                Nazareth! 

JESUS sighs heavily and continues to walk.  He closes his eyes prayerfully.  The crowds begin to rush him. 

 EXT. LAKESIDE – EVENING

JESUS is by the lake, the last people have finished eating their fish and bread.

                                                            MAN

                                                That was some darn good bread. 

                                                A little on the dry side but still

                                                good. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                Glad you enjoyed it.

JESUS looks back to the water and sees the boat quite a ways a way. 

                                                            MAN

                                                My mom had a pretty good recipe

                                                for bread.  Flour, and something

                                                else… (thinking) water maybe? 

                                                            JESUS

                                                Probably it. 

           

                                                            MAN

                                                I mean yeah, just a couple more

                                                times and you’ll perfect it.

                                                            JESUS

                                                Sure will. 

                                                            MAN

                                                You must be quite a ladies man too.

                                                I mean you can read, you heal people,

                                                you can cook.  Triple package man. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                Do what I can.  All for the Father.

He looks back at the boat once more. 

                                                            MAN

                                                Me on the other hand.  I don’t

                                                got many assets.  There is Martha.

                                                She’s my wife.  Not one for looks,

                                                I’ll be honest. 

JESUS

Uh huh.

MAN

(cont’d.)

And I know what you’re thinkin’ – ‘Hey

Jim, you’re not on the pretty side yourself’

but let me tell you.  I was a strapping

                                                young man.  But I guess you get

                                                what you pay for. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                Uh huh.

                                   

                                                            MAN

                                                            (cont’d.)

I’m not sayin I paid for Martha.  She’s not

that kinda lady.  I’m not that kinda man

                                                either.  But I mean, let’s be honest we all

know her dad is, well…. let’s say he’s

pretty well off. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                Uh huh. 

Looks back at the boat, and back at the man, who has no intention of stopping the conversation.

                                                            MAN

                                                            (cont’d.)

                                                And I don’t know how he got to where he’s

 gotten.  I’m not a man who asks too many

questions. I know my place believe you me. 

                                                Now, John my coworker on the other hand. 

Won’t shut up.

                                                            JESUS

                                                            (speaking rapidly)

                                                When you were ten you spilt wine on your

mother’s new tunic and blamed it on your

younger  brother.   You’ve felt guilty ever

since, and your brother hasn’t forgiven

you.

The MAN stands there dumbfounded.  JESUS begins to run towards the shoreline, leaving the man in a state of awe.

                                                            JESUS

                                                            (shouting back)

                                                You should go see him!  He just had a

                                                daughter!

JESUS gets to the shore, slightly out of breath and looks off in the distance at the boat.

           

                                                            JESUS

                                                I was totally joking when I told them to

leave without me.  They do not understand

sarcasm.

JESUS stands there for a beat thinking about his next move.  Until a sudden thought enters his head.

                                                            JESUS

                                                Oh shoot. I told Bob I was going to

                                                meet him for breakfast tomorrow.

                                                Dang it.  Ah man.  I’m gonna be late

                                                again.

He ponders more.

                                                            JESUS

                                                Not gonna get there by morning on

                                                hat boat.  Ugh, especially not with

                                                Thaddeus as lead-rower.  I’m

                                                gonna have to sneak past  ‘em.

JESUS casually steps onto the water, and nearly at a jog, starts to stride across the lake. 

INT./EXT. BOAT – CONTINUED

The DISCIPLES are rowing quite furiously, straining with each breath.  JESUS has slowed his pace, getting closer to the boat.  He shifts his eyes conspicuously.

                                                            JAMES
                                                            (groaning)

                                                This is really hard.  If Jesus was here

                                                we’d already be at the other side!

                                                            BARTHOLOMEW

                                                If Thaddeus didn’t suck we’d be at the

                                                other side.

           

                                                            THADDEUS

                                                You suck!

He takes his oar and slaps it across the water, splashing not only BARTHOLOMEW but all the other disciples.

                                                            DISCIPLES

                                                COME ON!

                                                            JOHN

                                                My sandals are all wet!

                                                            THADDEUS

                                                Your sandals are always wet.   You’re a

                                                fisherman. 

                                                            JOHN

                                                I will fight you. 

                                                            JAMES
                                                THUNDAAAR!

                                                            THADDEUS
                                                Just calm down. We’re almost to shore

anyways, loo- OH JEEZ THERE’S A GHOST!

They all look over and see JESUS on the water.  He’s been made.  They all start screaming, which begins to echo across the water.  A light turns on from the shore.

                                                            JESUS

                                                            (trying to quiet them)

                                                Shut up.  Shh.  Just shut up.  It’s ok. 

                                                It’s just me.  I was just tryin to catch

                                                up with you guys. 

JESUS looks at the boat and the disciples who stare at him in a confounded state of disbelief.

                                                            JESUS

                                                What?

They stare back.  No words.

                                                            JESUS

                                                You guys aren’t used to this type of stuff

                                                yet?

Silence.

                                                            JESUS

                                                Really?  I just fed five thousand people,

                                                and you’re shocked I can walk on water.

Their eyes get wider, more silence. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                You didn’t even know that was a miracle

                                                did you?

More silence.

JESUS sighs heavily, caresses his temples. 

                                                            JESUS

                                                Thaddeus, give me the oars. 

END SCENES.