This semester I’m auditing a course through Cornerstone Church, A Survey of the New Testament. I’ll be posting irregularly about the things I have learned. Week One, we have begun a journey – the Gospel of Mark. With all of its fast paced action, blind seeing, deaf hearing, demon pigs explosions, the one thing I took away from Mark is Jesus’ attempt at seclusion in various forms, and his consequent “failure.” Here’s a little script depicting such.
EXT. FIELD – DAY
We are in close on a man’s face, who opens his eyes in awe and wonderment. He closely examines his arms, legs, hands, etc with utter amazement. We slowly pan out to reveal a small gathering around the EX-LEPER. JESUS stands in front of him. Those in the crowd begin to murmur their own incredulous claims.
EX-LEPER
Thank you. My Lord.
JESUS
You’re welcome. Now go to the priest
and offer the sacrifices required by the
law of Moses.
EX-LEPER
Yes Lord. Certainly.
JESUS
And please, don’t tell anyone.
EX-LEPER
Of course Lord, whatever you say.
He begins to leave but pauses and turns around.
EX-LEPER
(cont’d.)
But Lord, can’t I tell my mother?
and my father?
JESUS
Yes, of course. But no one else, please.
The EX-LEPER begins once more on his way but stops once more.
EX-LEPER
Well what about my girlfriend?
JESUS
Your girlfriend?
EX-LEPER
Yeah, my girlfriend.
JESUS
You don’t have a girlfriend.
EX-LEPER
Yeah I do.
JESUS
You literally just had leprosy
two minutes ago. You do not
have a girlfriend. Believe me.
I know.
EX-LEPER
Well I will.
JESUS
You don’t know that.
EX-LEPER
Well, what if I’m just hangin out
in the courtyard, and I see a foxy
lady. And now that I don’t have
skin falling off my body, she takes
a liking to me. Now it won’t be
too long before my personal history
becomes a topic of conversation.
And heck she’ll probably know,
cause I mean people know me. And
I’m not braggin, I’m just saying.
People know me. She just might be
like, ‘Hey wasn’t this guy the biggest
leper in three counties’ – a fact I’m
not particularly proud with, but hey
that’s how the cookie crumble –
‘How’d this guy get to be so normal?
What am I supposed to say? P-90X?
That hasn’t even been invented yet.
I’m in a rock and a hard place.
JESUS
Really?
EX-LEPER
Just sayin.
JESUS
(sighs)
Ok. Fine. You can tell people after I leave
the area. We would have some traveling
difficulties otherwise. Give it like a week.
EX-LEPER
(dismissively)
Yeah, a week I guess. Go into hiding
for a whole entire week Great. What am I going to
eat? Haven’t even seen my family for years,
Sure like to go play some ball. But yeah
whatever one week-
JESUS
Ok. Ok. Three days. Just do three days.
You’re killin me man.
EX-LEPER
Alright, I can do three days.
JESUS
You swear?
EX-LEPER
Like swear by God? Is this a trick
question…?
JESUS
Pinky swear.
EX-LEPER
(confused)
What?
JESUS
(gritting teeth)
Pinky. Swear.
They lock pinkies. Jesus stares at him.
JESUS
Good.
EX-LEPER
Cool man. Thanks. For real.
Jesus and his disciples begin to walk away from the group. In the background we see the EX-LEPER start to run to another group of bystanders.
EX-LEPER
(in the distance we overhear)
Hey guys! Dude! That guy just healed
me! Yeah! That guy over there, Jesus of
Nazareth!
JESUS sighs heavily and continues to walk. He closes his eyes prayerfully. The crowds begin to rush him.
JESUS is by the lake, the last people have finished eating their fish and bread.
MAN
That was some darn good bread.
A little on the dry side but still
good.
JESUS
Glad you enjoyed it.
JESUS looks back to the water and sees the boat quite a ways a way.
MAN
My mom had a pretty good recipe
for bread. Flour, and something
else… (thinking) water maybe?
JESUS
Probably it.
MAN
I mean yeah, just a couple more
times and you’ll perfect it.
JESUS
Sure will.
MAN
You must be quite a ladies man too.
I mean you can read, you heal people,
you can cook. Triple package man.
JESUS
Do what I can. All for the Father.
He looks back at the boat once more.
MAN
Me on the other hand. I don’t
got many assets. There is Martha.
She’s my wife. Not one for looks,
I’ll be honest.
JESUS
Uh huh.
MAN
(cont’d.)
And I know what you’re thinkin’ – ‘Hey
Jim, you’re not on the pretty side yourself’
but let me tell you. I was a strapping
young man. But I guess you get
what you pay for.
JESUS
Uh huh.
MAN
(cont’d.)
I’m not sayin I paid for Martha. She’s not
that kinda lady. I’m not that kinda man
either. But I mean, let’s be honest we all
know her dad is, well…. let’s say he’s
pretty well off.
JESUS
Uh huh.
Looks back at the boat, and back at the man, who has no intention of stopping the conversation.
MAN
(cont’d.)
And I don’t know how he got to where he’s
gotten. I’m not a man who asks too many
questions. I know my place believe you me.
Now, John my coworker on the other hand.
Won’t shut up.
JESUS
(speaking rapidly)
When you were ten you spilt wine on your
mother’s new tunic and blamed it on your
younger brother. You’ve felt guilty ever
since, and your brother hasn’t forgiven
you.
The MAN stands there dumbfounded. JESUS begins to run towards the shoreline, leaving the man in a state of awe.
JESUS
(shouting back)
You should go see him! He just had a
daughter!
JESUS gets to the shore, slightly out of breath and looks off in the distance at the boat.
JESUS
I was totally joking when I told them to
leave without me. They do not understand
sarcasm.
JESUS stands there for a beat thinking about his next move. Until a sudden thought enters his head.
JESUS
Oh shoot. I told Bob I was going to
meet him for breakfast tomorrow.
Dang it. Ah man. I’m gonna be late
again.
He ponders more.
JESUS
Not gonna get there by morning on
hat boat. Ugh, especially not with
Thaddeus as lead-rower. I’m
gonna have to sneak past ‘em.
JESUS casually steps onto the water, and nearly at a jog, starts to stride across the lake.
INT./EXT. BOAT – CONTINUED
The DISCIPLES are rowing quite furiously, straining with each breath. JESUS has slowed his pace, getting closer to the boat. He shifts his eyes conspicuously.
JAMES
(groaning)
(groaning)
This is really hard. If Jesus was here
we’d already be at the other side!
BARTHOLOMEW
If Thaddeus didn’t suck we’d be at the
other side.
THADDEUS
You suck!
He takes his oar and slaps it across the water, splashing not only BARTHOLOMEW but all the other disciples.
DISCIPLES
COME ON!
JOHN
My sandals are all wet!
THADDEUS
Your sandals are always wet. You’re a
fisherman.
JOHN
I will fight you.
JAMES
THUNDAAAR!
THUNDAAAR!
THADDEUS
Just calm down. We’re almost to shore
Just calm down. We’re almost to shore
anyways, loo- OH JEEZ THERE’S A GHOST!
They all look over and see JESUS on the water. He’s been made. They all start screaming, which begins to echo across the water. A light turns on from the shore.
JESUS
(trying to quiet them)
Shut up. Shh. Just shut up. It’s ok.
It’s just me. I was just tryin to catch
up with you guys.
JESUS looks at the boat and the disciples who stare at him in a confounded state of disbelief.
JESUS
What?
They stare back. No words.
JESUS
You guys aren’t used to this type of stuff
yet?
Silence.
JESUS
Really? I just fed five thousand people,
and you’re shocked I can walk on water.
Their eyes get wider, more silence.
JESUS
You didn’t even know that was a miracle
did you?
More silence.
JESUS sighs heavily, caresses his temples.
JESUS
Thaddeus, give me the oars.
END SCENES.
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