Many New Year’s resolutions are doomed for failure, often forgotten two weeks into the year, only to be reminded of our failures 364 days later, when another year tells us we need another set of lofty, honorable, unattainable goals. I don’t want to be a man that is constrained by guilt or the tempting legalism that hinges upon action rather than grace. I also realized there’s a lot that I do not do that can be pretty respectable. Why do I have to have a goal like running ten miles every week, when I could have a goal that says: don’t weigh over 200 pounds. Same heart to it all, same result, but not as restrictive or demanding. It’s a win-win! Here are some more than reasonable, yet challenging resolutions I will make for the 2012. And it’s written on the Internet, recorded forever as a means of accountability.
Don’t make anyone cry by saying they look ugly.
Don’t break anything that costs more than a thousand dollars, or its sentimental equivalent. “Jake, you just broke the music box that my dead great aunt gave me.” “Uh… would you have paid me a thousand dollars not to have broken it…?”
Don’t get in a fight and lose.
Don’t not read my Bible everyday.
And also, don’t not pray everyday. (Unless I’m really busy)
I resolve not to get kicked out of a church service more than three times in a four-month span, that does not fall around Easter, Christmas, or Passover.
Don’t believe anything anyone tells me ever.
Try* not to kill anyone. (Again**) – When someone comes up to me on December 31st, 2012 and asks how did the year go? I can look them dead in the eye and say honestly, “It went great. I didn’t kill anyone.” Who wouldn’t qualify that as a good standard of living?
*I’ll put “try,” because let’s be real, accidents happen.
**This also gives me some ambiguous leeway because then I can say stuff like “Well, I killed Bob once, but at least I didn’t kill Bob again.” Failsafe.
Don’t forget to sleep.
Don’t forget to put on clothes before leaving the house.
Don't forget names of people that I care about.
Don’t listen to “popular” music, unless I’m being ironic or nostalgic.
I will not drink spoiled milk. Or cry if I spill it.
Don’t quote anyone with asking their permission in an imaginary conversation in my head.
“Jake did you tell Martha that I like her?”
“Like, like like her?”
“Yes. What’d you say to her? I never said anything like that.”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“In so many words, yes.”
“Oh. Well Martha told me she likes likes you too. “
“Oh. Uh, really?”
“Yeah, just now actually.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Just go to her.”
Don’t make the same mistake five times. In a row….
Don’t get dumber.
I will not be afraid of the dark.
Don’t think about how much I don’t floss.
I won’t hate the player, while not hating the game first.
And finally,
Don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do next year.
I think that’s a pretty solid list. And I know what you’re thinking. “Jake that’s A LOT of resolutions.” You’re right it is. But if I don’t challenge myself, than who will?
Answer: Holy Spirit. Praise God for sanctification.
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